THE ENGLISH LEAGUES TOP 20 UGLY FOOTBALLERS
This list is a celebration of sheer ugliness and to prove the
point that not everybody has to be a ‘Beckham’ to make it in the cut-throat
world of professional football. It gives ugly people everywhere hope and belief
but most of all ……………
It’s because ugly people need heroes too!
20; Gianfranco Zola
Mercurial talent but a strangely lopsided face.
19; Andy O’Brien
The Brucie wannabe only stayed below his former Bolton team-mate Campo on
account of the fact that he actually cuts his hair.
18; Ivan Campo
Model looks ……………… for a stone age Neanderthal!
17; Matt Le Tissier
The most gormless looking footballer ever to walk the planet. Even has a touch
of the ‘Dowie’s’ about him. Maybe it’s the Southampton air?
Everton’s very own Elephant man.
15; Paul Merson
Looking like that is it any wonder he turned to drink.
14; Gordon Astrakhan
Ugly, short, ginger and played for Leeds. That’s 4 reasons for suicide right
13; Dirk Kurt
An inspiration to ugly people everywhere. So ugly that he is reported to have
been approached by Jimmy Bullard as a look-a-like also doubles as Rocky Dennis
12; Sasa Curcic
The Serbian John Merrick
11; Nobby Stiles
Living proof that even ugly people can be a success unlike his dentist.
10; Martin Keown
A modern day caveman who at best resembles something you’d see in a horror book.
9; Robert Earnshaw
Couldn’t even hide his hideous looks in the city that took Luke Chadwick to
heart so eventually left Norwich for Derby where everyone is too busy laughing
at the football to notice Earnshaw’s goofy apparel.
8; Steve Ogrizovic
Still playing in 2000 at the age of 42, Steve had an uncanny knack of saving the
ball with his face. Allegations that it was a cheaper form of plastic surgery
7; Eric Gates
Probably would have been kinder to drown him at birth.
6; Carlos Tevez
Sometimes there comes along a footballer who is pure genius. Probably
compensation from god for being born with looks that even his mother couldn’t
5; Peter Beardsley
The only player I know who used to have his fringe matching the slope of his
4; Jimmy Bullard
If Gargoyles were still to be invented I imagine they would make them look just
like our Jimmy.
3; Luke Chadwick
The rumours are that ‘Cletus’ was only brought into Old Trafford to hide the
fact that the Neville brothers were so ugly. Whilst their careers blossomed away
from the media glare, constant reports of Chadwick’s devastating ugliness
eventually saw him drop through the leagues and end up at Norwich where he
supplements his wages as a look-a-like for a Simpsons character.
2; Iain Dowie
Widely regarded to be the ugliest footballer to walk the planet. Dowie wasn’t so
much hit with the ugly stick, more beaten to within an inch of his life by it!
1; Davie Dodds
Dodds is rightly chosen at No.1 for his sheer audacity to play a high profile
sport with a face that could curdle cream.